Please, I am begging you, bring back the good chicken tenders. The new ones taste like sadness and cardboard.

If you steal one more of my Philz mint mojito iced coffees from the fridge, I am putting hot sauce in the next one.

If you are going to talk at full volume about your summer consulting gig, go outside. Some of us are actually trying to read.

To whoever keeps parking their Lime scooter directly across the wheelchair ramp at Green Library: you are incredibly selfish.

Your presentation in MS&E was incredible. I’m pretty sure half the class has a crush on you now, myself included.

We almost collided on our bikes near Main Quad today. You laughed, I panicked. Can we actually grab a coffee at CoHo next time?

PLEASE LOOK UP FROM YOUR PHONES WHEN BIKING IN THE CIRCLE OF DEATH. I almost died three times today just trying to get to class!

Is anyone else just constantly fighting off imposter syndrome, or did everyone here actually cure a disease in high school?

Take off your lanyards. We know you're freshmen. You don't need to wear your room key around your neck like a medal.

You guys are the real MVPs. Thank you for not judging my spaghetti code and helping me pass Karel.

Bro, who are you trying to impress at 8:30 in the morning? The ghost of Leland Stanford? Relax and put on some sweatpants.

We get it, you did an internship at Sequoia. You don't need to use the word "synergy" when we're just trying to figure out where to eat dinner.

Pitching your "revolutionary Web3 startup" to the professor after every single lecture is not networking. It's just annoying.

I loved the poem you shared in our creative writing seminar yesterday. You have such a beautiful way of seeing the world.

Your LinkedIn posts are entirely too long. "I am humbled and honored to announce..." Bro, it's a campus ambassador role for an energy drink.

To whoever is in the Tree costume this year: your chaotic, unhinged dancing is the only thing keeping my school spirit alive.

The draw system is literally destroying my friend group. Why is it so complicated just to get a decent room?

To the guy always sitting in the corner of Lathrop at 2 AM with the stickers on his Mac: seeing you there makes my all-nighters feel a little less lonely.

Stop acting like you didn't study for the CS161 midterm when we literally saw you reviewing algorithms during Friday night drinks. Duck syndrome at its finest.

You looked so peaceful reading in the sun. I was too intimidated to come over and say hi, but your aesthetic is immaculate.